So yeah, I'm pretty much in shock at the moment. Just got a call from my brother, who I havent heard from in awhile which set some warning bells off. My older sister, a mother to three children, one who's 2nd birthday is today, died last night around 2am west coast time. Somehow I knew something wasnt right, I couldnt get to sleep, and when I did sleep, I couldnt stay asleep. And then my brother calls around 7:20 this morning my time, 5:20 his and tells me and my family that she had had internal bleeding, and that my brother in law couldnt get her to wake up from the nap that she was taking.
I havent talked to her in forever, it got a little hard to lately, but I wish we had talked more than we had. I really dont know what to think or how to act at the moment. This is the first close family member to me to have died, I've had uncles and aunts that have died recently, too recently, but I was never close to them, but I was my sister.
I met her when I was little, shes my half sister on my dads side, and her mother never let her contact my dad, but she did once she turned 18. She was always visiting when I was a kid, seemed to come around every summer, and always wanted to go to my baseball games. She moved to the east coast to got to college, and we would give her rides to school, and we saw her more. I hate to say that that it changed, but it did. Things became strained, she moved back to California, got married, had three kids, and didnt have a lot of money. We always talked about wanting to see each other again, my family talked about sending her and her family money for planed tickets, but her kids were too young to make the trip. I wish I had talked to her more, I wish I didnt let things become strained between us, because now I dont have a chance to fix it, and I hate that, hate myself for that.
I really dont know what to think or feel at the moment. Just need to get this out.